Marriage Is ...
... saying ....
"There are others who are smarter than you are. More attractive than you are. Funnier, richer, etc. You are not the best and most perfect person I know, or am likely to meet, in any one category. But you are excellent enough in enough areas that I don't NEED or WANT to wait for anyone better! You are more than sufficient to bring me joy for the rest of my life."
Marriage is like binocular vision. With only one eye there is no perspective, no perception of depth. So a single person's personal vision is joined by a spouse's similar, but slightly different perspective, and suddenly the depth appears! It is not two distinct visions, but two different vantage points aimed and focused in the same direction.
And marriage is saying: In order to end the flat world I endure alone, I decide to be your best and most faithful friend, champion, defender, promoter, guardian, playmate, lover, advisor and companion until I die. When you are down and the entire world is against you, it will have to come through me to touch you. I will love you when I am angry with you, and I will love you when I am ashamed of myself. From this time forward I am your own, personal man. When you need a man for whatever you may need a man for, as much as I am able, I will be that for you. I take into my counsel the benefit of your vision.
My personal belief is that the man is created to protect the woman, and that a two-headed monster is a freak show. A fifty-fifty partnership is a monstrosity. When the house is on fire, or careers collide, one or the other has to have the 'tie-breaker,' deciding 'vote.' Because of my background and temperament, I believe the man is the one to make the final decision when the man and woman have opposite ideas. This is terrifying, because so many women today refuse to allow this. They will walk out on a man who refuses to agree with their side of the decision (and that is NOT 'commitment' on their parts, by the way). Of course, a man who isn't worried about power games (because his wife is not interested in power games!) can ask for and often accept the woman's input! He can say, 'Gosh, I don't know if we should take the job in Denver or transfer here in Phoenix.' She says her piece and he considers it and says, 'Thanks! I didn't see that aspect! Let's go!' But if she says Denver and he says Phoenix ... what do they do? In a modern American 'partnership' she goes her way and he goes his ... or he gives in to her and they both resent it afterwards and it poisons their relationship.
But in my idea of marriage, the woman trusts the man to lead ... and to repent and make corrections if his leadership turns out wrong. She supports his decision, even if she disagrees at first, and tries to help him make it ... and when he sees his error (if any), she supports him just as excellently as he tries to make it work, or as he changes his mind, admits his mistake, and moves to correct things. He was wrong, but he is confident to admit it and move on because she has not judged him and gone against him. She supported him and found out he was right all along, or he was righteous enough to change, and she supports his courage and integrity to make the changes necessary.
That sort of trust and commitment is not, by its nature, something 'temporary' or conditional. So, in that sort of 'old fashioned' marriage, there is no turning back. It is, ultimately, very unselfish. The man realizes that he cannot blame the woman for his failures, but can count on her to work for their mutual success, and he begins to depend on and covet her insights, and he works, studies and prays to make right decisions. The woman realizes that the man will not go against her just to prove himself somehow, and that her success is related to his, so she genuinely works to help him succeed at whatever he decides to do. Both people are fully engaged in seeing that they both make out okay, and they do not compete with each other ... they complete each other and back each other up.
My definition of marriage used to be traditional, and you had people staying together for 50 and 60 years, raising successful and happy kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. Today the traditional marriage is always 'on probation' and is conditional. War breaks out? Disaster strikes? Someone gets cancer? Someone younger or richer comes along? Someone disagrees? "I'm outta here!"
I am hopelessly old fashioned. But I can look myself in the eyes in the mirror and not flinch. I have never 'lorded over' a woman, nor been 'whipped.' I take some small joy in both of those 'accomplishments.'"
"There are others who are smarter than you are. More attractive than you are. Funnier, richer, etc. You are not the best and most perfect person I know, or am likely to meet, in any one category. But you are excellent enough in enough areas that I don't NEED or WANT to wait for anyone better! You are more than sufficient to bring me joy for the rest of my life."
Marriage is like binocular vision. With only one eye there is no perspective, no perception of depth. So a single person's personal vision is joined by a spouse's similar, but slightly different perspective, and suddenly the depth appears! It is not two distinct visions, but two different vantage points aimed and focused in the same direction.
And marriage is saying: In order to end the flat world I endure alone, I decide to be your best and most faithful friend, champion, defender, promoter, guardian, playmate, lover, advisor and companion until I die. When you are down and the entire world is against you, it will have to come through me to touch you. I will love you when I am angry with you, and I will love you when I am ashamed of myself. From this time forward I am your own, personal man. When you need a man for whatever you may need a man for, as much as I am able, I will be that for you. I take into my counsel the benefit of your vision.
My personal belief is that the man is created to protect the woman, and that a two-headed monster is a freak show. A fifty-fifty partnership is a monstrosity. When the house is on fire, or careers collide, one or the other has to have the 'tie-breaker,' deciding 'vote.' Because of my background and temperament, I believe the man is the one to make the final decision when the man and woman have opposite ideas. This is terrifying, because so many women today refuse to allow this. They will walk out on a man who refuses to agree with their side of the decision (and that is NOT 'commitment' on their parts, by the way). Of course, a man who isn't worried about power games (because his wife is not interested in power games!) can ask for and often accept the woman's input! He can say, 'Gosh, I don't know if we should take the job in Denver or transfer here in Phoenix.' She says her piece and he considers it and says, 'Thanks! I didn't see that aspect! Let's go!' But if she says Denver and he says Phoenix ... what do they do? In a modern American 'partnership' she goes her way and he goes his ... or he gives in to her and they both resent it afterwards and it poisons their relationship.
But in my idea of marriage, the woman trusts the man to lead ... and to repent and make corrections if his leadership turns out wrong. She supports his decision, even if she disagrees at first, and tries to help him make it ... and when he sees his error (if any), she supports him just as excellently as he tries to make it work, or as he changes his mind, admits his mistake, and moves to correct things. He was wrong, but he is confident to admit it and move on because she has not judged him and gone against him. She supported him and found out he was right all along, or he was righteous enough to change, and she supports his courage and integrity to make the changes necessary.
That sort of trust and commitment is not, by its nature, something 'temporary' or conditional. So, in that sort of 'old fashioned' marriage, there is no turning back. It is, ultimately, very unselfish. The man realizes that he cannot blame the woman for his failures, but can count on her to work for their mutual success, and he begins to depend on and covet her insights, and he works, studies and prays to make right decisions. The woman realizes that the man will not go against her just to prove himself somehow, and that her success is related to his, so she genuinely works to help him succeed at whatever he decides to do. Both people are fully engaged in seeing that they both make out okay, and they do not compete with each other ... they complete each other and back each other up.
My definition of marriage used to be traditional, and you had people staying together for 50 and 60 years, raising successful and happy kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. Today the traditional marriage is always 'on probation' and is conditional. War breaks out? Disaster strikes? Someone gets cancer? Someone younger or richer comes along? Someone disagrees? "I'm outta here!"
I am hopelessly old fashioned. But I can look myself in the eyes in the mirror and not flinch. I have never 'lorded over' a woman, nor been 'whipped.' I take some small joy in both of those 'accomplishments.'"
posted by Author | 7:04 PM
1 Comments:
hhhmmm...something to think on.
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